It’s Friday, you deserve to laugh

hamburgerlar robbing ronald mcdonald

  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police
  • Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
  • Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up
  • Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  • Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
  • If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

god needs a website

  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • The proof that God loves stupid people is that he made so many of them
  • If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  • I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
  • Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
  • We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

mans broken ribs fixed on an xray

  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, so I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
  • I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila…It’s Friday, have  a few.

Happy Friday!!!

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About thedailyheard

Just a guy with an opinion and some time on my hands trying to find out where the sidewalk really does end.

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