Can you hold that please?

The development and use of opposable thumbs, the modestness of wearing pants, the use of utensil to eat with, or the ability to put the toliet seat down when we are done peeing are all examples of the characteristics that are supposed to set us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. Yet it seems that in our desire to evolve, we have achieved quite the opposite effect having regressed in our ability to display proper manners and the requisite politeness that should be present in everday civil society. The common decency that should be exhibited by human beings that makes us the highest order of animals on this planet just seems to have eroded to the point that it is barely even evident that we are walking upright. I know it was our goal to purge our society of the “knuckle dragging,” racist, sexist, small mindedness of the 40’s and 50’s culture, but we could have kept some of their manners. Calling an unfamiliar man “Sir,” or an unfamiliar woman “Ma’am,” opening the door for a lady, or helping an old woman off the bus when you are waiting to get on, are only a few examples of these common courtesies of which I speak. But these examples of virtuous behavior our society once exhibited seems to be lost on the impetuous self-centered A-holes of modernistic society. Don’t believe me? Allow me to give you a few examples of our descent from decency.How many of you have walked through the mall, down the street, or shopped in a grocery store? Of course you have, we all have. Then I am sure you have all encountered people that have no idea how to walk.  Or at least people that don’t know how to walk in a crowd.  These are the people that do the start/stop walk. They are walking and you are following behind them and then all of a sudden without warning they just stop exactly where they are. And then, “Bam,” you crash right into them.  Okay, I get it, you want to stop, but there are people walking behind you. If you want to stop walking move to the side, or walk away from the middle of the walkway, so that I don’t have to go around you, bump into you, or have to wait until you decide to start walking again. Then there are the people that are walking toward you, but are doing so on the wrong side of the walkway. Stay to the right. How hard is it to stay to the right? But what really pisses me off is as soon as you change sides, they start doing the “walk in the middle” thing. What the hell is that? You don’t notice all of the people around you walking? Unless your name is Mr. South Coast Plaza, you don’t own the place, so move the eff out of my way. It’s like they intentionally want to get hinder your path. Then they always do the obligatory brush up against you. I hate that. If I wanted a stranger to touch me I would put on some hot pants, a bikini top, a blonde wig, some glitter lip stick, and stand out on Hollywood Boulevard. But I don’t, so back off tough guy. All I ask is that people adhere to the proper lane when they are walking. And people on cell phones, even the ones with earpieces as well, you can’t walk and talk at the same time. You guys need to hang up. There is a reason you are talking to the person on the phone instead of hanging out with them in real life; you’re an asshole who has no consideration for the people around you or their personal space. I don’t care about your conversation. I don’t want to know if Mona likes you or that Derek cheats at NBA 2K12. I want you to pay attention where your walking and for you to lower your voice. Dick!

And what about the fact that no one says, “God bless you” or “Bless you” when somebody sneezes? Is that really too hard to do? I mean if it’s a religious thing you can just go the Seinfeld route and say, “You are so good looking.” But to just sit there after someone sneezes as if the whole event didn’t even take place is beyond me. Or what about just covering your nose and mouth and directing it away from people when you cough. I hate that shit. I was on the bus the other day and the guy behind me must have been dying. But I was hoping that his demise would come sooner rather than later since he was spreading his cankerous disease infested sickness with me and all the people around me. He was coughing without covering his mouth right on the back of my head and on the person next to me. At one point I turned around and asked if he minded. He stared at me with a blank look in his eyes completely oblivious to the comment I just had made. Apparently he didn’t’ mind. I think he might have minded my foot up his ass, but I digress before I showed signs of regressing. Because I realize there are certain parameters that are part of living in a civilized society that one does not do. I just got up and moved seats. But the point is I shouldn’t have had to. And less we forget about the phantom bombers. You know those people, they lurk in crowded movie theatres, buses, airplanes, elevators, and bars and just let loose. Then keep on about their business as if putrid gasses were not, only moments before, seeping out of their butts. It is disgusting and nasty and completely uncalled for. If you need to do that, excuse yourself and unload where no one is around. Don’t do it because you get some sick satisfaction by “crop dusting” a bunch of innocent people. Everybody has gas. We are humans, so no one is going to think you are strange. Just have the decency to do it when you are by yourself.

The biggest complaint I have are the people that think their time is more valuable than yours, so they lie. Yeah everyone hates liars, but I mean the lie to your face liars. I was walking through the security door facing the elevators and someone was already in the elevator pushing the button for their floor. I was maybe 20 feet from the elevator. They looked up and saw me. I could see them rapidly pushing the button to their floor. I started walking faster and the doors began closing. We locked eyes and she shrugged her shoulders and said, “Oh, sorry” as if she had been somehow trying to hold the doors open but the big bad elevator wouldn’t be stopped and had to close the doors. The last thing I saw as the doors slammed shut in my face was the relief in her eyes that I didn’t make it in. Why even bother with the charade? I saw you pushing your floor button and then do nothing as the door closed other then shrug and offer an empty apology. I really don’t understand those people, but couldn’t be bothered anymore with people like that. Whatever, I pushed the “up” button and was thinking, “Bitch” when, as fate would have it, the doors popped back open. There she was standing there with a dumbfounded look on her face, as the doors opened up revealing a pissed off me. She had forgotten to swipe her security card over the sensor before pushing the button. I got on, looked at her, swiped my card, pushed my floor and stood there. She did the same. Then I looked at the panel with the buttons for the floors and then the only two other buttons, the emergency button and the door open button. I looked at it, and then at her and said, “I can see how this panel gets confusing.” The elevator doors opened and she got off on her floor. It amazes me that instead of waiting the 10 seconds it would have taken me to get in the elevator with her, she would rather close the door in my face to get to her apartment that much faster.

What have we become? Who are we? Why can’t people treat others with respect and dignity? It is like we are all bullies and self centered twats that think their lives are so much more important than everyone else’s around them. It is more effort o frown than it is to smile, yet as you walk by people. Who am I kidding? As you drive by people look at them and smile. See what happens. They will look away or get scared or try to confront you. A few might smile back, but the majority of us have been conditioned through experience and observation that the idea that someone would be polite to us isn’t as likely as them assaulting us. Take it upon yourself to be the difference. Be polite, kind, and respectful to the people you know, and to the ones you don’t. You might just be surprised what you find.


About thedailyheard

Just a guy with an opinion and some time on my hands trying to find out where the sidewalk really does end.

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