What the hell is up with the incompetence of fast food restaurant employees? I mean I understand that the people serving me my food at these establishments are not sharpest tools in the shed, but there is a difference between slow and down right idiotic. Maybe it’s my fault for expecting too much from them. These are the same employees for whom McDonald’s determined it easier to put a picture of the food items on the register rather than the actual words. These are not the valedictorians and presidential scholars from their respective schools. These aren’t even the kids that would sit by themselves behind the band room eating alone. I am sure you knew which kids in your high school were destined to work at the local McDonalds and not design one. But my latest run-in with these fast-food pedaling morons has sent me over the edge. So much so that I feel compelled to write about this latest incident rather than give my opinion on the recent rash of shootings or discuss the G-20’s decision to continue to bail us out of our economic woes. Because of their action, or inaction, I am forced to write about these moronic fools working the drive-thrus at these fast food chains.
A while back El Polo Loco had a burrito called the Chicken Lover’s Burrito. It was fantastico! It was chicken breast, spicy avocado sauce, and cheese all wrapped in a yummy tortilla. But they took it off the menu and didn’t have a reasonable substitute for it. I drove up to the drive-thru of El Polo Loco one day and was surprised to see it missing from the kiosk. I ordered a different burrito and after I ate it was thoroughly disappointed. The next time I went to El Polo Loco I drove up to the kiosk and asked the employee who was working the intercom if they still had that burrito even though I knew it wasn’t on the menu. He told me they did not. In my reasoning it made sense that if I described the burrito to him, they could easily recreate it for me, since it was a pretty simple burrito. So I relayed my plan to the server. This was mistake number one. Apparently the question, “Can you wrap some chicken in a tortilla with some cheese and avocado sauce please?” came out sounding like “What is the decay time of the radio active isotope Uranium-235?” Exactly, there was the pause that I would expect after the later of the two questions. So I asked again and got the same response. Nothing. I waited the customary 15 seconds before addressing the empty air again.
“Hello, umm, are you still there?” I was startled that a different voice answered the intercom.
“Yes sir, is there a problem? Can I help you?” I repeated my quandary to the next employee’s voice that was now “assisting” me. He told me that it was not possible and that I needed to order something from the current menu. “Okay,” I thought, and looked at what other burritos they had to offer. I looked for an item on the menu that was closest to the burrito that I had originally wanted, but could not quite order. I found it, the Classic Chicken Burrito. It had chicken and cheese, which is what I wanted, but it also had rice, beans, and salsa fresca, which I didn’t want. I addressed the intercom again.
“Hello? Okay, I’m ready. Can I get the Classic Chicken Burrito? But can you leave out the rice, beans, and salsa fresca? And instead put on the spicy avocado sauce?”
Silence again. The response that came when he finally did speak again was classic. “Sir, are you trying to trick me? I don’t appreciate what you are trying to do. I think you had better speak to our manager.”
Am I trying to trick you? No dumb ass, I am trying to order a burrito! So I drive up to the window to speak with the manager face to face. The manager was even less help than the employees. He tells me that his employees have informed him that I am trying to trick them into serving me a burrito that is no longer on the menu. I figure I am talking to someone with a little authority, someone who doesn’t have his head up his ass, and can get done what I wanted. I was wrong. I told him that I just wanted the burrito with none of the other things in it. He explained that the menu item I requested was no longer on the menu. I told him I knew that, but they have chicken, and cheese, and avocado sauce in their kitchen and that they could wrap that all up in a tortilla and give that to me. He then informed me that they could do that, but they would have to charge me more for making a specialty item. WTF?!?! I tried in vain to explain to him that I was not trying to trick him. In fact, quite the opposite. Yet they wanted to charge me more money for getting less food in the burrito I was ordering? I told them never mind, I didn’t want a burrito any more and left to go to eat something else. How hard is it to make a burrito people? Sadly, stories like this happen all over. Believe it or not I tried again at a different El Polo Loco a few weeks later and was met with the exact same response. Our government should not be so concerned with the swine flu epidemic or curing erectile dysfunction in 65 year old men, but rather the rampant outbreak of stupidity and ineptitude that seems to be plaguing our school system.